Being Drawn Badly ...

1, Saw TV show with everyone raving about bacon jam.

2, Thought; “Bacon jam? Bacon … in a jam? Sounds interesting, must try making it.”

3, Made bacon jam.

4, Conclusion; bacon does NOT belong in jam.

Is it bad that I deliberately antagonise the 20 year old paranoid kid at work by refusing to pander to all the things he thinks I ‘should’ be doing? I’ve been doing this job much longer than him, I’m technically his superior (although without an official title to it) and I know what I’m doing. I just kind of resent being ordered around by kids just because they have an over exaggerated sense of self importance and I don’t need telling how to do my job. Everything gets done at the proper time, I just secretly enjoy the fact that it niggles him because I won’t let him get everything ready for closing almost an hour early.

Am I bad?

Satellite box has just turned itself back on after refusing for the past 15 hours! I has TV!!!!

I can’t have 12 kids due to lack of TV when I’m in the house alone now can I?

Ok, so somehow my satellite TV box has given up. There’s power to it but it won’t switch on from standby. This leaves me with 2 options; miss out on t’internet surfing and watch tvcatchup.com on the laptop which is nowhere near as big as the TV and, if last time was anything to go by, incredibly difficult to hear … or find something else to do. What did people used to do of an evening before TV???

Perhaps that’s why Victorian families had so many kids.

Simon was born and raised in a galvanized steel bucket and has only one leg. He is credited with being the 1852 international tiddlywinks champion as well as being the founder of the original Olympic games during the time he spent living in ancient Greece. Simon is the author of the critically hailed ultimate modernist novel, “A Mind of One’s Own.” which is reputed to be the favourite book of Leo Tolstoy, the Venerable Bede and Jack down the street. He is also an international super spy and the rightful King of Spain. Simon is made of Lego and currently lives in a world of his own devising with his wife who is made of chocolate. Together they are working on the introduction of a breeding plan for fauns to increase the population of these much endangered goat-people. In his spare time Simon collects pink grapefruit and ear wax from which he carves miniature stately homes for local earwigs.

My love you are far
Much hotter than stars
Your beauty brings light to my life
I really can’t wait
For that wonderous date
When you finally become my wife

My mind has been blown
By the love that you’ve shown
If only I’d known from the start
It’s always been you
But I never knew
That your feelings matched those of my heart

Now I think I need
to follow your lead
and head back to bed for a while.
When we both wake up next
we can send loads of texts
‘bout our dreams that dissolved all those miles.